How to look beautiful (kinda)

You know when your friend is really self-couscous about the way she looks, so she would watch Michelle Phan all day? And when she actually ties to do her hair and makeup, she ends up looking like a dying cockroach? 

Well I'm here to help! I'm going to show all those worthless and pathetic pieces of crap out there how to actually look pretty!! I'm joking, your not worthless, but it is kind of pathetic to work so hard on your face and end up looking like dog crap. Anyway, I'm going to show you how to be naturally beautiful, using just 6 steps! It really works! And, it's easy, because it is simply common sense.

Step 1: SMELL

Brush your teeth.

Um... I bet she feels so beautiful... eh.

If you don't, don't expect any kisses. And you might end up smelling like crap

Imagine this guy askin' you this.

If you didn't shower the day before, shower now.

...You dirty mutt.

Also, Put on deodorant. I like to put on my super magical sparkle fairy dust scented deodorant:

*angels singing in the background noises*

Step 2: SKIN

When you wake up in the morning, wash your face with water to get rid of the disgusting microscopic creatures living on your face!! 

This is what you may be experiencing...

And this is what the poor germs are experiencing.

It is also good for getting rid of pimples, or preventing them.

Poor Mr.Pimple

Step 3: HAIR

After cleaning your hideous face (kidding) Brush your hair.

Girl attempting to brush hair

Start at the bottom or the ends of your hair, and work your way to the roots, getting rid of all the knots. If your hair is really knotty in the morning (like mine), use a comb, not a brush, you ding dongs (kidding again)!!

Then Straighten or curl (or simply style your hair). Don't burn your hair!! And don't attempt to "braid" your hair if you're just going to knot it back up again. When I wake up the morning, I just keep it the way it is, in fact, I don't really need to brush or style my hair because I half natural beach waves (I live in Florida, yay!) and I do know that I have a lot of knots in my hair, but It adds to the puffiness of my hair. I like the bedhead look. 

It's funny because I don't have a nose... and I have doo doo in my hair.

 

Just kidding.

Step 4: HANDS & FEET

Make sure that your hands are clean, and your fingernails are trimmed (not trimmed too much) and free of any gross dirt under the nails. If your hands are dirty, that is a big turnoff. You would be poisoned by the food you are holding because of the disgusting, terrifying hands, and if you touch someone they might turn into a zombie

wash your hands, butt head. SAME GOES WITH YOUR FEET!

Ew... it's glowing.

Step 5: CLOTHES

You might feel like this is a big part of what people think of you, but it really isn't. Some people might deeply care if you wear Hollister or not. But people who aren't morons, will not give a shiz what you wear. As long as it covers you up, and somewhat shows your manly/girly figure.

Oh, and if you can't figure out what too wear, just go out naked.

Step 6: THE WAY YOUR ARE

Listen, everyone is born beautiful. And if you want to be pretty or handsome, it's pretty simple. Be confident in yourself, and nothing can stop you. You know the old saying: 

Beauty is not what you see, 

but how you feel.

       -Michelle Phan 

And I DON'T eat doo doo.

MY SISTER'S FEET.

I remember when I was in 4th grade, me and my friend Sam and I would always have  sleepovers. Me and my friend would sleep on my full-bed and Heather (my twin) was always afraid of the dark or something so she would secretly curl up beside us in the somewhat small bed secretly, in the middle of the night, while me and Same are sleeping. The first time this happened, I thought some stranger was going to kill us, but no, it was just my not very smart sister. 


Anyway, one time, my sister did something REALLY weird in the bed. 

Don't pee in it!

So basically, I was the first to fall asleep, so I slept on my bed.

Don't disturb me.

Then Sam went to sleep beside me.

DON'T GET ANY BAD IDEAS!!

Then in the middle of the night, my sister comes up and sleeps near our feet and sticks her feet in our mouths unconsciously and wakes us up. 

My dumb twin is sticking her feet in our faces as she sleeps, and giggling.

Yeash, let's just say heather woke up with a black eye and food on her forehead.
Speaking of foreheads, I have a big one. 

I FEEL SO WASTED!!

I bet many people have been in this situation before. You text somebody and they don't text you back. And you know how you have to pay like 15 cents for EVERY SINGLE TEXT. So it's almost like your wasting money on somebody. 


This has been going on for me for a few years now. My friend (Let's nickname her Anne, for now.), never ever seams to answer my texts, emails, calls, anything. She used to answer my calls, but now I'm beginning to think she is too retarded to use her phone, or I wonder if she forgot how to use her phone.

This is my demented friend, learning how to learn her phone.

So, I would text "Hey Anne!" and five minutes later she would not respond. So I'd say "Hello? You there?" and I still don't get an answer. 


This carries on and it gets to the point where I think Anne is mad at me or something. I say "You know, you don't have to give me the silent treatment. If your mad at me, just say it!". I get extremely frustrated and stare at my phone in despair and agony and wait for her to respond. 

Me staring at cell phone in despair and agony.

I tried texting her for hours and hours, and I never got a reply. -.-

12:00 pm

6:00 pm

9:00 am

After sending a couple hate text-messages, she finally answers. "GOSH GOSH, HAILEE! I love you but your not giving me a chance to speak at all! GOD!". I stare at my phone in complete confusion.


I was trying to message her for 4 hours. I sent a text every 10 minutes or so. So I suppose, passably Anne has a very simple and slow mind, And maybe it takes her 30 min to send a 10 word text. So I gave her time to think after my next text. "What's up?"


I waited 10 min. No reply. So this is basically what the next hour looked like:

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

I go mental as I wait.

So I start to accept the fact that she will probably never text me back, and just as I accept it, she finally texts back. "Pooping". 


ARE YOU @#$%ING SERIOUS??? I WAIT SO MANY HOURS FOR THIS! I WAIT SO LONG AND MY ONLY RESPONSE IS POOPING?? WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN!! @#$%!!!


So yeah, I flipped out for a while...

"ARRGGHHHH!!"

And that, my friends, is how I feel about ignoring texts. 

The new hairdo

Rawr!!

I am so bored, and anything i would do to not do my homework. In this case, I know this is awkward for some, but I have been searching up hair. No, no pubic hair... the hairdos. Like this really cool one that is to your... left. The tiger. I mean, holey shiz (Yes I just said shiz.) It probably took  that lady 5 hours to do that... :P

But there are even crazier hairstyles too. Some people shave their nearly bald haed to make faces and drawings and crap. My dad is bald too (sadly) but he could even start shaving his tiny hair so it looks like crap too.

Each time I see the "baldy art" it reminds me of a bunch of rappers... Well anyway, let's get to it, here is that bald picture thingy I was talking about. It is to the right right over there -> -> -> 

COOL SHAVE MAN!!

Yeah, this is the kind of crap I'm talking about. So... Bleh. You know what, I am going to create up a new word for this kind of hair art. I will call it... "shave". It is a noun. For example, your homeys or whatever, would walk up and say, "Oh man! Dude! I like your shave man!" and high-five you like an ideot. You know, normal fake-gangster stuff-- sense the gangster stuff is kind of popular now... So... this guys shave is awesome man! Awesome!!  I don't think you can relize this but I can do a funny hippy voice. I'll put up a video of my latest hippynessishness up soon. Sooo..... yeash.

 Although this big piece of shit on this old lady's head is beautiful, it is also heavy and kind of weird. Imagine seeing some person at walmart with a big thingy on her head. He head would wobble a bit because the thingy is so heavy... whatever. It looks cool :)

...

I just wonder how much hair extentions she uses.. eh?

Angora Rabbit

I can't even describe this huge fluffy animal.

I would name him "fluffy". :P

Blobfish

I know my school kinds hates wikipedia and us students aren't supposed to beleive anything they put up there, but this is absolutly true, and i got it from wikipedia. On a blog I've been reading, aerielclaydon.blogspot.com/ The girl posted a picture of a blogfish. Just for the record, these things look like jellyfish. and jellyfish dont poo, and are 98% water.

Here is wiki's definition for a blobfish:
The blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) is a deep sea fish of the family Psychrolutidae. Inhabiting the deep waters off the coasts of mainland Australia and Tasmania,^[1] it is rarely seen by humans.
Blobfish live at depths where the pressure is several dozen times higher than at sea level, which would likely make gas bladders inefficient for maintaining buoyancy. Instead, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. Its relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front of it.
Blobfish can be caught by bottom trawling with nets as bycatch. Such trawling in the waters off Australia may threaten the blobfish in what may be its only habitat.^[2]
The Blobfish is currently facing extinction due to deep-sea fishing.<sup>[3]

and I can never forget a pictue...</sup>


Blobfish says, "Aw man, I look like shit today"

 
These guys don't swim but float, and control their movement not with muscles but with a floating complex 
The blobfish has a gelatinous mass of skin that is slightly less dense than water
This allows the fish to move without expenditure of energy
It eats things that float by.

Largest Flying Bird Ever Descoverd...

"Argentavis magnificens is the largest flying bird ever discovered... but it died out about 6 million years ago." -animaladay.blogspot.com


"Despite  its huge wings and flight feathers, it is speculated that magnificens was unable to truly fly. It weighed around 150lbs, making it difficult to take off. Instead, the birds most likely had  to run downhill into a headwind, which would then lift them up and allow them to glide." -animaladay.blogspot.com

I believe the picture you see above is an actual life-sized drawing!

The Smallest Frog in the Southern Hemisphere

The Brizilian gold frog

 WIKIPEDIA'S DEFINITION:
The Brazilian Gold Frog (Brachycephalus didactylus), also known as Izecksohn's Toad, is the smallest frog in the Southern Hemisphere. It was previously called Psyllophryne didactyla.
Adult Brazilian Gold Frogs measure to only 9.8 millimeters (24.7⁄64 inches) in body length. Many have a beautiful golden color, for which they are named.
The smallest frogs of the Northern Hemisphere are the Cuban Eleutherodactylus iberia, which can be two-tenths of a millimeter smaller, and Eleutherodactylus limbatus, of which fully mature adults as small as 8.5 mm have been found.^{[citation needed]}

And I never forget extra pictures!

I'm oh so back again.

This is kinda like me first time proffesionaly blogging... I guess. You probably don't want to sit and read my whole lifestory, so I'm only going to give you the highlights. No bragging too. I've been wanting to spread the word around about the strangest pants and shoes, because there are ALOT of messud up shoes. I'll do a top ten.

Top Ten Most Weirdest Shoes I could find!

I call it, the medal foot!

#1 - To the right you see a pretty painful looking shoe. I like the shoe, but look how tall it is! All your weight would go directly to your toes, and after aa long day, your feet was ache like crazy! The bottem of your foot would get all screwed up too, because the nails sticking out... Otherwise, these shoe is cool. I think this looks really artistic... I don't know, what do you think? If you are reading this, feel free to put what you say in the comments.

#2 - I saw this one at another blog i was reading. This shoe is cool looking and fashionable if you ask me, but you might as well say, man, it's prety rediculous. Oh, and by the way, I can't spell alot of words. So I don't know how to spell rediculous... how embarrising.

#3 - I found out about these shoes a long time ago. Shoes alot like this were more popular in 2008, but doctors say there is not enough support for your foot so if you wore these, you would have some back problems or something. That was when these shoes got tossed in the trashbin.

#4 - These are fitting for Lady Gaga! They are red, they're crazy, and they're shiney. And again, I think the back support is low with these just like the low back support for the shoe listed above, only I don't beleive these shoes ever became populer, or that is, until Lady Gaga or some other crazy singer lady tries them on.

#5 - The shoes get crazier and crazier. This time, pokemon decided to put a yellow game boy, and a pikachu together on this crazy looking shoe... thing. I guess the colors match and it is good for storage (concidering that you always have you videogames with you) but come on! lol I think these shoes were made in the early 2000's though, so maybe they weren't so crazy back then. I don't know. :P

#6 - Honestly, I really like these shoes... pants... thing. I wouldn't be afraid to go to school in these, actuelly. The only two things wrong are the fact I wouldn't know how to put them on, and I don't think there are suck thing as long shoeslace stores. :P What do you think?

#7 - I feel kinds bad. I think the people who where these kinds of shoes are in Sudan or other poor African countries. It kind of seams that the people are so poor tthat they can not afford shoes. Although these shoes are kind of extremely weird for the American culture, pleas take in consideration that this might be what whatever country this came of considers normal. I don't know, what do you think? I don't want to say too much because I feel I might offend somebody.... :P

#8 - This picture is disturbing. Doesn't it look like its like a worm or something? lol. I'm not sure if its like a bug or a organ thingy??! I don't know, it looks kinds like those fish that puff up when their scared... like the shoes puffs up when you walk maybe. Actuelly, if I were wearing those, i might feel like im walking on air! I don't know much about these crazy shoes, but all the sudden, I think I might wanna buy a some... :P

#9 - These shoes look kind of uncomfortable. I mean, when does the foot go? Oh wait, nevermind, I see it now... Look on the shoes to your left and that big hole you see, if where you slide in the foot. I just don't see how that girl wearing them still has the shoes on, You would think they would have fallen off by now...

#10 - Last but not least, now presenting to you, these weird shoes that look like it's made out of plastic or something. If you look close enough, you can see puffy fabric, so I'm guessing this shoe is mainly leather. It may be uncomfortable, considering the shoe is only held in side the shoe itself but one long strip of leather --- or whatever that is.



And that includes, my top ten weirdest shoes... list.. thing? lol have a good one! bye.